Fifteen

The Middletown doctor said it would be best to make an appointment after June 3, and named which of his associates would be best for me to speak to. Between then and now, I'll do my best to cut back on the gluten. What do I have to lose?

Fourteen Come Lately

The past few days I've been doing a lot and haven't thought about blogging, so here goes:

I haven't heard from any of the jobs I interviewed for. On the positive side, I've been accepted into the Six Sigma Green Belt course. It's just a matter of getting a grant from the state. Wednesday is the next meeting of my professional society, and I'll make some contacts there.

I've been going to the gym, even sometimes taking the morning classes. However, I've been sleeping a bit later than I should. Is it the Seroquel? My sister thinks I should investigate a gluten-free and casein-free diet. That might make much of my meds unnecessary. I have an open mind towards it, but am not expecting anything radical. There's a doctor in Middletown who specializes in it.

Pretty soon I'll have my furniture on Craigslist. Leaving North Jersey won't be easy for me. It will be like the death of a dream, the old "if I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere" dream. But wouldn't you know it, I had a dream a few days ago where I was taking a bus ride through the woods in Monmouth County, and at one point, someone was singing "My Way" and holding his hand over my mouth while doing so. Is that my subconsciousness's way of telling me to just enjoy the ride and let other people do it their way?

Thirteen

Went to see 42. Harrison Ford turned in an Oscar-worthy performance as Branch Rickey, and there's a few "Hey, It's That Guy!" sightings:

• Wojo from Barney Miller as Dodger manager Burt Shotton 
• Dr. Cox from Scrubs as announcer Red Barber
• Steve the Pirate from Dodgeball as Phillies manager Ben Chapman

I also put some money in a CD today. I later realized I probably should have done a bit more research and found out about better rates, but that's going to be a big theme in my life for the forseeable future. Doing more pragmatic planning. Five and a half months from now, just before the CD matures, I'll have a system of researching investments, or at least some method.

Twelve

Today I filled out the forms to apply for the training grant. I was late to the meeting due to a building fire on Rt 287 that delayed traffic. But a lady at the DOL still worked with me to get it done. Civil servants, for all the grief they put up with, can and do come through.

Tonight I found some old papers on stress coping skills I got while I was in the Carrier Clinic two years ago. I'll read them before going to bed.

Tomorrow night I'm going to see 42 in the theater. But let me tell you, Hollywood should do a biopic on Curt Flood. The only problem, he didn't win his battle; it only led to others winning the war.

(Added 4/29/2013, 11:41 p.m.)

Actually, a Hank Aaron biopic should be next. Talk about facing hatred.

Eleven

This morning I went to the 8:30 a.m. class at LA Fitness called "Body Tone Plus Abs." I got a pretyy good workout. The instructor was this lady who must have been older than me, but whi was in great shape. Then I did thirty minutes on the elliptical.

One of the other attendees had on an Autism Awareness shirt from a school in Hazlet. Later this afternoon, as I walked to a mailbox to drop off a letter, I saw a sign for a spaghetti dinner the night before held at some firehouse to raise money for autism awareness. It seems that my Reticular Activating System, as Anthony Robbins explains, is showing me many ways I can be of service or support to the spectrum community.

Reticular Activating System

It turns out that tomorrow, not June, I can meet with the DOL to learn to apply for a grant to study six sigma and get my green belt. Then I'll visit some employment agencies. One of the best things to do while unemployed is to get up and visit places wearing business clothes, to feel like a businessperson.

Six Sigma Certification

Ten

The interview seemed to go well. I spent the focusing the conversation on her challenges and how I could handle them. Tomorrow my plan is to go to a class at LA Fitness.

Nine

I have an in-person interview tomorrow, so tonight I wrote down the directions to the site and did a dry run. It made me feel more in control, like I have one piece of the puzzle solved.

As for the events in Boston, I don't have anything to say other than it's time once again, as the heroes of Flight 93 declared, to "let's roll" for what's right.

Eight: A New Path

This is my first post since my health scare. Two days after my last post, my rash reached the point where it was closing my throat, so I spent two nights in the hospital. I got regular injections of Benadryl and steroids, and eventually it calmed down. The staff there was top-notch, and I learned the hard way the importance of rest and medication.

Right now my priorities are 1) physical health, 2) mental health, and 3) work. In that order. Take care of 1) and 2), and 3) will follow. What good am I to an employer if I do all my work but can't show up? I did schedule some phone interviews while in the hospital, and I think I did well on them when I got out, but whatever my next job is, I need to take it one day at a time. And be more focused outward.

Seven

Today I had a big setback. I was so upset when my COBRA didn't kick in, I threw a candy wrapper and my insurance card down on a pharmacist's desk. She said, "I don't have to take this," and had her manager call the cops. On one head, it was satisfying to be a threat. On the other hand, it was not satisfying to be faced with charges pressed against me. Maybe I was trying to be the bully I never could be. No charges were pressed, and he cops even asked me if I was having problems of some kind. At the end, they said, "Hang in there, keep carrying on, things will pass.":

Six

While taking another oatmeal bath, I spent the time reading Epictetus, a Greek philosopher who lived during the first and scond centuries C.E. His best known book is called the Enchiridion, or Manual for Living.

Enchiridion

Epictetus was born a slave, but was permitted to study Stoic philosophy, the system of thought developed in the third century B.C.E. Stoicism rose from the confusion of the post-Alexander era, where Grecian culture mixed with so many others, and people felt ungrounded like today. Here's one of my favorite sections of the Enchiridion:

4. "When you are going about any action, remind yourself what nature the action is. If you are going to bathe, picture to yourself the things which usually happen in the bath: some people splash the water, some push, some use abusive language, and others steal. Thus you will more safely go about this action if you say to yourself, "I will now go bathe, and keep my own mind in a state conformable to nature." And in the same manner with regard to every other action. For thus, if any hindrance arises in bathing, you will have it ready to say, "It was not only to bathe that I desired, but to keep my mind in a state conformable to nature; and I will not keep it if I am bothered at things that happen." - Translated by Elizabeth Carter (1717-1806.)

So the next time you're at Walmart, say to yourself, "There will be slovenly-looking people, there will be customers moving slowly with their carts, there will be inept salespeople, there will be parking spots sandwiched between two SUV's where women will be trying to back out while trying yo keep their kids quiet."

Five

Today I had some setbacks. At my therapists I has a tantrum in his office. I stopped taking anti-depressants for four months, and not only have I been more emotionally fragile, but I have also had eczema erupting. It makes it difficult to sleep at night for more than two hours. But he gave me a new prescription. I learned the hard way to follow doctor's orders.

Next I went to a wholesale club to get the prescription filled.It's one of those clubs where you don't need a membership to fill prescriptions. But when the greeter asked me for my card, I lost my temper and started rattling a cart next to her. She probably got scared. Much of my behaviour had been a reaction to being bullied and terrorized in school and work. But being a bully or a terrorist doesn't make me feel better. It makes me feel worse.

Then I set out to a meeting of a professional society for people in my field. The directions were off, so I didn't go. I felt like a loser for missing it. But there's another one next month.

Finally, when I git home, I took a short oatmeal base for my eczema, It felt nice, a little bit better than before I drew the bath. One of my new med will help me sleep better. That's important. I don't want to be groggy while driving or doing job interviews,. 

Four

I think my interview today went well. I made sure to stay focused on the questions and show how I can fit into their organization. Then I went to my weekly amateur philosopher meeting. We talked about what it means to "think outside the box." I may need to start acting outside the box in terms of what kind of work I want to do. Finally, a friend asked me if I could be the scorekeeper for his softball league. At first it seemed like a backhanded compliment, but it might be good for me to embrace that part of myself.

Three

Today I bought a new dress shirt, a new tie, and a new pair of wing tips for a job interview tomorrow. At the store where I bought the shirt and tie, I used a $50 gift card I got for by birthday. The salesperson rang up the items, swiped the cards, but then cancelled the sale because it didn't go through right. So I had to call the gift-card company and have them put the $50 back on so the sale could be rung up again. We needed the salesperson, his manager, the gift-card customer service rep, and his manager to make everything right. I had to wait about ten minutes, but the gift card was used and the sale was closed.

Sometimes people need help. And sometimes people need to work as a team to get a job done right. There have been times when I needed help.

When I got home, I opened up the shirt package, took out all the pins and tags, and put the shirt on a hanger. Then I removed the label from the back of the tie, and put the shoes next to closet for tomorrow morning. Usually when I buy something I'll leave it in the bag until I stumble across it much later. That's a non-verbal way of saying, "I really don't feel worthy of this." I once read that a good exercise for feeling better about yourself is to take photos and put them in a album. It seemed that the two had no connection, but consider: photos in a pile stuffed in a drawer indicates low regard for one's memories, while photos displayed in an album show that memories matter.