Another Blog Worth Checking Out

I'd like to share the link to a blog of a woman with Asperger's in recovery:

Autistic Sober Connection

My plan to is have a bunch of links to other people's blogs on mine.

Aftermath of A Highly Physical Fortnight

Well, today I spent three hours helping to rebuild a house in Union Beach severly damaged ny Hurricane Sandy. I, along with about ten other members of a Jewish federation, stripped the aluminum siding and walls so the house can be ready for rebuild with the help a a FEMA grant. That came one day after two friends and I packed up my furniture and donated it to Goodwill. It turned out that one location took half and another took the other half.

Now it's time to straighten out my unemployment benefit delays, send out more cover letters and resumes, and make more connections. I so want to go on an interview and tell people what I've done, what I've been doing, and what my new goals are.

Things I've Learned Over The Past Few Months

Things I've learned the hard way:

1. If you are moving and want to donate your furniture, make the call for scheduling a pickup two months before moving day, so the pickup occurs just as you're ready to move. Places like the Salvation Army are booked a month out with pickups.
2. Locking your bedroom door from the inside may have its advantages, but only if you make a habit of making sure that when you close the door from the outside, the doorknob button isn't pushed in, or you'll be locked out of your own bedroom.

Things I've learned the easy way, mainly by being open-minded:

1. Isaac Asimov's Foundation series, as described by a friend, sounds like a sci-fi retelling of the founding of America, with its controversies between libertarianism and authoritarianism.
2. Both Dominican nuns and former models share my interest in permaculture.

An Open Letter To Chuck Klosterman

Dear Chuck,

I am a big fan of your writings. I've practically memorized the essays in Sex, Drugs, & Cocoa Puffs and Eating the Dinosaur. They contain the kind of insight I sometimes have in conversations, but never have had the discipline to write them down. The way you deconstruct cereal commercials, rock tribute bands and teen sitcoms, I say to myself, Damn, he can put into words what I only vaguely sense.

So I've decided to give myself an exercise. Next month I will purchase a copy of your upcoming collection of essays, I Wear The Black Hat. Each week I will ready one essay and write a response letter to you for that essay. Your theme is villainy in fiction and real life, and how you've become fascinated by it. So I will look at the book from the opposite perspective. As my college technical writing (1) instructor taught us, it's not what's written that makes a point, it's what's not written.

I welcome you to view my blog answering your book. On August 1, get ready for the first entry in "Letters To A Pop Culture Columnist." (2)

http://letterstochuck.blogspot.com/

Sincerely,

Dan Wohl

(1) I majored in industrial engineering at Rutgers. See, I got the footnote thing down, too.

(2) I don't like to use words like "pundit" or "guru" when referring to you, since you provide more interesting answers then questions.

Reaching Out

One of the bad habits I've developed over my life is keeping things bottled up inside of me. Recently, however, I've been making an effort to share more. Here are some examples:

1. When cleaning out my apartment seemed like a grueling, daunting, overwhelming task, I reached out to my fraternity brothers. I posted on our Facebook group pictures of the pieces of furniture up for sale, and said that anyone who helped me move, I'd compensate.
2. When I felt tensions building up between my mother and I, I called a friend, told him how I felt, and told him I did so because I am willing to do whatever it takes to avoid another physical or mental relapse, meltdown, or breakdown.
3. With this interview, I reached out to a Rutgers classmate and current LinkedIn connection about his take on the company. His company is a customer of my interviewers.
4. When a Facebook friend said she was looking for a Napa wine recommendation, I commented that I know someone who runs a Napa vineyard, and I would share his FB page with her.

Not all of my reaching out efforts will produce desired results. But I am slowly moving towards a more open approach to life. For that, I believe that I deserve to be commended.

Interview

I got an interview with a company which, ironically, is in the same town that I just moved out of. I've inerviewed there before, and remain interested in working there. It will simply require me to drive from Central to North Jersey for work, and a thing I haven't done in years.

Another book I've been reading is Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. Much of it discusses how our amygdalas hijack our frontal lobes, leading us to act in ways which may have been appropriate in dealing with sabre-toothed tigers millenia ago, but not appropriate in dealing with late customer orders or supplier deliveries today.

Class Review

My first day of the course went well. It was six hours, and the course will be sixty-three hours in all. My next session is Wednesday, and it will probably span five or six weeks. I have to read the next few chapters in the book before then.

Part of my search for meaning has to do with this course. If I'm going to work in manufacturing, I want to learn how to do my job better all the time, and be able to add value to the company. Sometime meaning can simply be found in doing a job the best way it can be done.

Back to School

Friday I start a class in Lean Six Sigma. For those not famaliar with those terms, Lean manufacturing is the practice of continually discovering and eliminating waste in manufacturing processes. Six Sigma is a method of quality assurance that seeks to reduce defects, and opportunities for defects. A "Six Sigma" process is one with less than 4 defects per 1 million opportunities.

I got a grant from the state to pay for the course. My first task Friday morning will be to make sure that all papers are in order and I truly am eligible for the grant. This course will earn me a certification that employers desire.

Steps So Far

I went back and looked over my previous entries in order to get ideas for this post. Here's my thoughts on those posts:

1. My search for meaning is the theme. Not my mother's search, not my sister's, not even Viktor Frankl's. Mine.

2. That needs to be what animates each post.

This blog was created by a person who was, at the time, dealing with physical and mental health issues in an unproductive matter. That does not make them less valid than anything I were to write now, or in a future state of more proper comparative functioning.

Two years ago, when I had my workplace meltdown and asked to be taken to a hospital, I was under no corecion to check myself into the Carrier Clinic. When I made the decision to do so, one of the personnel there smiled at me and said, "You are an educated man." I think she was happy that I was willing to give myself another chance to live.

Baseball Interlude

Every post on this blog so far has been about me and my recovery from something. Well, tonight I'm going to take a break from that and blog about one of my favorites things in life.

Baseball.

I didn't play the game well as a kid, but I will always love the game. It's a beautiful and manly thing for a pitcher and catcher to take on a batter; to load the bases and battle for either a grand slam or a triple play; to lay down the suicide squeeze. There's true art in Tony Gwynn's swing, Mariano Rivera's cut fastball, and Torii Hunter leaping to steal a homer.

So why are today's stars not more famous? And don't tell me it's because there's too many games, and they're not all on Sunday. It's because, I believe, the people running the game keep telling themselves that the game's best days are behind it.

I say, hogwash. Yeah, Babe Ruth and Walter Johnson are long gone. So why not work towards getting young fans to the point where they'll want to tell their grandchildren about Miguel Cabrera and Clayton Kershaw? I see interviews with certain players, especially pitchers, and see celebrity personality shine through. Take Justin Verlander. When he takes the mound, it's almost guaranteed to be a treat. He could have Tom Brady-level fame if the Tigers win a World Series. Why, when discussing Detroit's decline and struggle to rise again, are only the Lions used as a metaphor?

It's because the NFL is run by people with their shit together, and baseball is not.

Eighteen

Mother's Day went well. I didn't have to answer any questions about my job search, or my mental health, or my recent hospital stay, or much else.

Today I went to a seminar for the Over 40 job seeker. It discussed how to answer behavioral interview questions, how to make a LinkedIn profile show more personality, and how to make a cover letter better tailored to show accomplishments. There's a position in Metuchen that looks interesting; I'll try the cover letter technique in applying for that.

When I have my working situation settled, I'll have to face the question of whether to start dating again. At this point in my life, it's tricky. There are women who I nay have great rapport with, but do they see me as husband material? Age differences do matter, regardless of what the media would have you think.

Seventeen

It turns out someone already wrote a play about the life of Viktor Frankl. A chemistry professor/therapist named Rubin Battino wrote one called "Meaning." It might be worth a read.

Tomorrow I'm going to see my sister and her kids. Family get-togethers can be stressful for me, especially when I'm not working. But if I keep conversations focused on others, then I won't feel self-defensive.

Sixteen

This is my first post in May. I've spent the week applying for more jobs, going to personal training sessions, and packing up my apartment. The time has come for me to take the training I've gotten and create my own workout regime. I also joined the Job Club in Neptune, and got some more resources for job hunting. There's something called "Neighbors Helping Neighbors" that'll meet in Colts Neck on Tuesday at 10:00 a.m. I'll try that.

My psychiatrist also told me I can break the Seroquels in half if it's making me too sleepy. Tomorrow when I see my therapist for the first time since my hospital stay, I'll show him the reports from there. I'll tell him everything: how I have been spending most of my life with my brain in counter-productive mode, how I avoid intimacy, and how I generally have a negative outlook on life.

Fifteen

The Middletown doctor said it would be best to make an appointment after June 3, and named which of his associates would be best for me to speak to. Between then and now, I'll do my best to cut back on the gluten. What do I have to lose?

Fourteen Come Lately

The past few days I've been doing a lot and haven't thought about blogging, so here goes:

I haven't heard from any of the jobs I interviewed for. On the positive side, I've been accepted into the Six Sigma Green Belt course. It's just a matter of getting a grant from the state. Wednesday is the next meeting of my professional society, and I'll make some contacts there.

I've been going to the gym, even sometimes taking the morning classes. However, I've been sleeping a bit later than I should. Is it the Seroquel? My sister thinks I should investigate a gluten-free and casein-free diet. That might make much of my meds unnecessary. I have an open mind towards it, but am not expecting anything radical. There's a doctor in Middletown who specializes in it.

Pretty soon I'll have my furniture on Craigslist. Leaving North Jersey won't be easy for me. It will be like the death of a dream, the old "if I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere" dream. But wouldn't you know it, I had a dream a few days ago where I was taking a bus ride through the woods in Monmouth County, and at one point, someone was singing "My Way" and holding his hand over my mouth while doing so. Is that my subconsciousness's way of telling me to just enjoy the ride and let other people do it their way?

Thirteen

Went to see 42. Harrison Ford turned in an Oscar-worthy performance as Branch Rickey, and there's a few "Hey, It's That Guy!" sightings:

• Wojo from Barney Miller as Dodger manager Burt Shotton 
• Dr. Cox from Scrubs as announcer Red Barber
• Steve the Pirate from Dodgeball as Phillies manager Ben Chapman

I also put some money in a CD today. I later realized I probably should have done a bit more research and found out about better rates, but that's going to be a big theme in my life for the forseeable future. Doing more pragmatic planning. Five and a half months from now, just before the CD matures, I'll have a system of researching investments, or at least some method.

Twelve

Today I filled out the forms to apply for the training grant. I was late to the meeting due to a building fire on Rt 287 that delayed traffic. But a lady at the DOL still worked with me to get it done. Civil servants, for all the grief they put up with, can and do come through.

Tonight I found some old papers on stress coping skills I got while I was in the Carrier Clinic two years ago. I'll read them before going to bed.

Tomorrow night I'm going to see 42 in the theater. But let me tell you, Hollywood should do a biopic on Curt Flood. The only problem, he didn't win his battle; it only led to others winning the war.

(Added 4/29/2013, 11:41 p.m.)

Actually, a Hank Aaron biopic should be next. Talk about facing hatred.

Eleven

This morning I went to the 8:30 a.m. class at LA Fitness called "Body Tone Plus Abs." I got a pretyy good workout. The instructor was this lady who must have been older than me, but whi was in great shape. Then I did thirty minutes on the elliptical.

One of the other attendees had on an Autism Awareness shirt from a school in Hazlet. Later this afternoon, as I walked to a mailbox to drop off a letter, I saw a sign for a spaghetti dinner the night before held at some firehouse to raise money for autism awareness. It seems that my Reticular Activating System, as Anthony Robbins explains, is showing me many ways I can be of service or support to the spectrum community.

Reticular Activating System

It turns out that tomorrow, not June, I can meet with the DOL to learn to apply for a grant to study six sigma and get my green belt. Then I'll visit some employment agencies. One of the best things to do while unemployed is to get up and visit places wearing business clothes, to feel like a businessperson.

Six Sigma Certification

Ten

The interview seemed to go well. I spent the focusing the conversation on her challenges and how I could handle them. Tomorrow my plan is to go to a class at LA Fitness.

Nine

I have an in-person interview tomorrow, so tonight I wrote down the directions to the site and did a dry run. It made me feel more in control, like I have one piece of the puzzle solved.

As for the events in Boston, I don't have anything to say other than it's time once again, as the heroes of Flight 93 declared, to "let's roll" for what's right.

Eight: A New Path

This is my first post since my health scare. Two days after my last post, my rash reached the point where it was closing my throat, so I spent two nights in the hospital. I got regular injections of Benadryl and steroids, and eventually it calmed down. The staff there was top-notch, and I learned the hard way the importance of rest and medication.

Right now my priorities are 1) physical health, 2) mental health, and 3) work. In that order. Take care of 1) and 2), and 3) will follow. What good am I to an employer if I do all my work but can't show up? I did schedule some phone interviews while in the hospital, and I think I did well on them when I got out, but whatever my next job is, I need to take it one day at a time. And be more focused outward.

Seven

Today I had a big setback. I was so upset when my COBRA didn't kick in, I threw a candy wrapper and my insurance card down on a pharmacist's desk. She said, "I don't have to take this," and had her manager call the cops. On one head, it was satisfying to be a threat. On the other hand, it was not satisfying to be faced with charges pressed against me. Maybe I was trying to be the bully I never could be. No charges were pressed, and he cops even asked me if I was having problems of some kind. At the end, they said, "Hang in there, keep carrying on, things will pass.":

Six

While taking another oatmeal bath, I spent the time reading Epictetus, a Greek philosopher who lived during the first and scond centuries C.E. His best known book is called the Enchiridion, or Manual for Living.

Enchiridion

Epictetus was born a slave, but was permitted to study Stoic philosophy, the system of thought developed in the third century B.C.E. Stoicism rose from the confusion of the post-Alexander era, where Grecian culture mixed with so many others, and people felt ungrounded like today. Here's one of my favorite sections of the Enchiridion:

4. "When you are going about any action, remind yourself what nature the action is. If you are going to bathe, picture to yourself the things which usually happen in the bath: some people splash the water, some push, some use abusive language, and others steal. Thus you will more safely go about this action if you say to yourself, "I will now go bathe, and keep my own mind in a state conformable to nature." And in the same manner with regard to every other action. For thus, if any hindrance arises in bathing, you will have it ready to say, "It was not only to bathe that I desired, but to keep my mind in a state conformable to nature; and I will not keep it if I am bothered at things that happen." - Translated by Elizabeth Carter (1717-1806.)

So the next time you're at Walmart, say to yourself, "There will be slovenly-looking people, there will be customers moving slowly with their carts, there will be inept salespeople, there will be parking spots sandwiched between two SUV's where women will be trying to back out while trying yo keep their kids quiet."

Five

Today I had some setbacks. At my therapists I has a tantrum in his office. I stopped taking anti-depressants for four months, and not only have I been more emotionally fragile, but I have also had eczema erupting. It makes it difficult to sleep at night for more than two hours. But he gave me a new prescription. I learned the hard way to follow doctor's orders.

Next I went to a wholesale club to get the prescription filled.It's one of those clubs where you don't need a membership to fill prescriptions. But when the greeter asked me for my card, I lost my temper and started rattling a cart next to her. She probably got scared. Much of my behaviour had been a reaction to being bullied and terrorized in school and work. But being a bully or a terrorist doesn't make me feel better. It makes me feel worse.

Then I set out to a meeting of a professional society for people in my field. The directions were off, so I didn't go. I felt like a loser for missing it. But there's another one next month.

Finally, when I git home, I took a short oatmeal base for my eczema, It felt nice, a little bit better than before I drew the bath. One of my new med will help me sleep better. That's important. I don't want to be groggy while driving or doing job interviews,. 

Four

I think my interview today went well. I made sure to stay focused on the questions and show how I can fit into their organization. Then I went to my weekly amateur philosopher meeting. We talked about what it means to "think outside the box." I may need to start acting outside the box in terms of what kind of work I want to do. Finally, a friend asked me if I could be the scorekeeper for his softball league. At first it seemed like a backhanded compliment, but it might be good for me to embrace that part of myself.

Three

Today I bought a new dress shirt, a new tie, and a new pair of wing tips for a job interview tomorrow. At the store where I bought the shirt and tie, I used a $50 gift card I got for by birthday. The salesperson rang up the items, swiped the cards, but then cancelled the sale because it didn't go through right. So I had to call the gift-card company and have them put the $50 back on so the sale could be rung up again. We needed the salesperson, his manager, the gift-card customer service rep, and his manager to make everything right. I had to wait about ten minutes, but the gift card was used and the sale was closed.

Sometimes people need help. And sometimes people need to work as a team to get a job done right. There have been times when I needed help.

When I got home, I opened up the shirt package, took out all the pins and tags, and put the shirt on a hanger. Then I removed the label from the back of the tie, and put the shoes next to closet for tomorrow morning. Usually when I buy something I'll leave it in the bag until I stumble across it much later. That's a non-verbal way of saying, "I really don't feel worthy of this." I once read that a good exercise for feeling better about yourself is to take photos and put them in a album. It seemed that the two had no connection, but consider: photos in a pile stuffed in a drawer indicates low regard for one's memories, while photos displayed in an album show that memories matter.

Two

I woke up late today, then went through some piles of papers in my bedroom and threw away anything that I would not need to prove anything. For example, the papers for when I had point surcharges on my driver's license. That was paid off three years ago, so it's safe to say I can discard that chapter.

One

A journey of a thousand miles begins a single step.

Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu
Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

 

Hello. My name is Dan, and here is the first entry in my blog.

A big theme on this blog will be my search for meaning. One of my Jewish heroes is Dr. Viktor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist who endured three years in a Nazi concentration camp and emerged to write Man's Search for Meaning, the book that defined logotherapy.

Logotherapy

I find this approach to life sensible. Whether one succeeds or not, one must find greater meaning. Otherwise the successes will seem hollow.